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Out of Office Reply: Watch Out for Polar Bears

Posted by Bo Bandy on
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Out of office replies are pretty standard. At ReadyTalk, we often set internal replies to let our colleagues know who they should contact for various requests. Our external replies are usually pretty standard. This week, Brandon Hess, is out of the office and surprised us with a very creative OOR. Since it's Friday, we thought we'd share the humor with you:

 

Beep Boop Beep Blart

You’ve reached the robot answering machine of Brandon C. Hess.  Brandon is currently in Seattle Washington starting May 7th through May 11th with his lovely wife enjoying copious amounts of fish, clam chowder, Nirvana nostalgia and writing emotional poetry while a light but cool rain falls around him at a locally owned organic coffee shop.

In his absence, he’s asked me to offer you this choose your own adventure to keep you busy while he’s away.

###############################################################################################################

You walk to Ink Coffee, hoping to satiate your need for caffeine after an exhausting day working to stop GoToMeeting from tattooing angry eye-brows on innocent puppies.

As you approach the Millienium bridge, a man dressed in a green reflective vest, birkenstocks and a loosely fitting stocking cap runs towards you wielding a clipboard screaming “Do you hate Polar bears?”

Do you:

  • Answer “No” Go to Page 2
  • Answer “Yes” Go to Page 3
  • Answer “What? I don’t have time for this! I have marketing stuff!” Go to Page 4 sassypants.

Page 2

You tell the wildly screaming stranger that you in fact do not hate Polar bears.  Before you know it, you realize that you’ve signed a contract to pay Greenpeace $1000 a week, your dreams of coffee shattered as the stranger runs off into a crowd yelling guilt-laden introductions.  

Deprived of spending money, your credit card number and likely your very identity, you realize your dreams of coffee have been shattered.  Deprived of caffeine, you realize that you have only one choice and jump on a passing coal train to find a cure for the virus creating so many Greenpeace activists on 16th Street Mall.

The End?

Page 3

You scream a resounding “Yes!” as the repressed memory of your best friend being kidnapped by a gang of surly and likely dry-ice addicted Polar Bears flashes to the surface.  You charge the stranger, your ReadyTalk Timbuk2 bag spinning high in the air.  The Greenpeace activist’s face turns to terror as he runs for the nearest free Mall Ride, his clipboard flying in the air the only proof he had been there at all.

Victorious, you hike up the Millenium bridge, grab a coffee, your newly-found desire to find the Polar Bears that stole your best friend and wreak a terrible vengeance on them fresh on your mind.

With a determined glare, you hail an Uber, telling the driver “Canada, and step on it”. 

The End?

Page 4

Oh, I guess you hate literature.  Well fine:

  • If this is a Content request related to the website, please contact <name removed>.
  • If this is a WebApps request related to a development need, please contact <name removed>.
  • If this is a hilarious video, meme or limerick, please contact <name removed> who will be making a macaroni art depiction of these things in my absence as was her sworn oath.

Thank you

Brandon Hess

Inbound Marketing Manager

ReadyTalk

1900 16th Street Suite 600 | Denver, CO 80202

www.readytalk.com


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